“Before you speak, think and be smart, it’s hard to fix a wrinkled heart.”
It’s the second week of Kindergarten and my son already got his feelings hurt. I knew it was coming because well, kids can be mean. But it didn’t hurt my heart any less – and it very obviously hurt my sons. So much so that he pushed the little boy that said ” I don’t like you. We’re not friends….I don’t like you – double.” Should my son have pushed? Absolutely not. But should he have stood up for himself? Absolutely yes.
My son is an innocent. He wears his heart on his sleeve, is built with happiness, and loves everybody. I honestly don’t think there’s somebody he’s met that he didn’t like. He thinks everybody is his friend and he can’t understand why somebody wouldn’t want to be his. In theory this sounds like an amazing human. But in reality, it’s hard putting somebody like that out in the world, knowing not everybody works like that. Heck, I don’t even work like that! I am perfectly content not making new friends and just going about my day. I have to work really hard to make conversation and build new relationship; especially when it comes to the parents of my sons friends. It’s so hard for me and I feel like it’s affecting my sons friendships. But, I’m working on it…
Little kids can be cliquey and a lot of the times I don’t think it’s intentional. It’s like they have blinders on and can only see what’s directly in front of them. They have a neighbor friend and that’s all they need. Why would they look around and try to be friends with the person next to them? The majority don’t have the instinct to do that. And that’s fine. But it’s hard to watch when my son is standing in front of a group of kids smiling, thinking he’s part of the group too. I know that they don’t notice him and it breaks my heart. I want to scream, “BE FRIENDS WITH MY SON! HE’S FUN! AND KIND!” But, I can’t…this is his journey that he needs to be on. Not mine, not ours. His.
For me this is the hardest part of parenting: letting our kids just figure it out. We can’t make all of the decisions for them, even as young as 5. I can’t be with him at school to guide him. All I can do is teach him at home, give him all of the resources and tools he needs so he can go out into the world and be successful. But, that’s not easy.
So what did I do after I heard my son got his feelings hurt and he made the poor decision to push? I wanted to cry. My son cried. His heart was sad but he also was worried that he wasn’t a kind person anymore. But, I reminded him that he was kind and he just needed to remember to use his kind heart. And I also let him know other acceptable forms of standing up for himself that didn’t involve hurting other people. He cried some more and said, “Mom, I just forgot to turn my heart on, that’s all.” We decided to pray. We asked God to help remind him to turn his heart on every morning.
I know I can’t be naive and think that this is the only time his feelings are going to be heart. But I wish it would be. I’m not asking for my son to be the most popular kid in school, I just hope and pray that he finds his little community of friends he can call home.
How are you adjusting to your kids at school? Have they had problems making friends? Would love to know your story – leave me a comment!